Friday, April 16, 2010

TheWizWit Wallpaper Wednes....FRIDAY!

Okay, okay, so I know we've missed a few weeks. Stop thinking about slicing your arm longways, move that carefully positioned chair from under the noose in your kitchen, and no more pondering your suicide note (you won't be missed anyway) -- we're back.

Donovan McNabb...the name is forever cemented in Philly sports lore. The all-time leader in nearly every Eagles' passing statistic, the all-time leader in disconnected weirdness, and the 4-time NFC Championship silver medalist has finally left the nest to play for division foe, the Washington Racistnames Redskins.

It's difficult for those outside of the Philadelphia to truly comprehend Dirtpass McSoupSlurp's relationship with Philadelphia. Yes, we booed him on draft day. Yes, we hated his post-interception smiles. Yes, we wanted to jump through the television and punch him in the throat every time he tossed a ball at the shoelaces of our receivers only to do that "my bad" chest pat thing. But those aren't the (only) reasons we wanted him gone.

Frankly, he wasn't a good cultural fit in Philadelphia. Race aside -- and yes Philadelphia has its share of racists -- his awkward charisma and bad Michael Jackson dances are the complete opposite of what Philly fans want to see from their QB. We want passion. We want fire. And, most of all, we want CHAMPIONSHIPS. We certainly don't want this.

Perhaps if Donovan was drafted by, say, San Diego he would be the most beloved and successful African American quarterback of all time by now. But he wasn't. And neither he nor the Philadelphia faithful should be blamed for this disconnect.

Point is, he's gone. He may not have wanted to go, but he's gone. So from now until his career is ended behind the Redskins' porous O-line, we must live with the consequences of our decisions.

With that, I present Donovan McNabb, Single-Tear Redskin!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

McNabb Still Stealing Philadelphia's Money

See this Donovan McNabb jersey wearing fellow to the left? Apparently, despite his taste in awesome 'throwback' jerseys, he isn't too bright.

This man tried to rob a bank today. He apparently decided it was unimportant to cover his face in any way. Probably not the best way to get away with a robbery, but what do I know. After a security camera captured his face, a FBI spokesman said this:

"These are probably the best bank robbery pictures we've seen."

So if you happen to see Captain Brilliant today, call the FBI at 215-418-4000.

On a lighter note, I found it funny that he would choose to wear a #5 jersey to rob a bank. I'm going to assume he wore it as a metaphor for the 11 years of possible championships that McNabb robbed from all us Eagles fans. Zing!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Phillies Fans: Please Don't Suck

Let me start this off by saying this isn't a Cole Hamels apologist article. I, just like most fans, am frustrated by his first two starts. While the Nationals offense isn't nearly as bad as the casual baseball fan would think, it still isn't the Yankees. A 5.00+ERA isn't going to cut it and he knows that. If his ERA is still over 5.00 in May, you can be worried. Until then, let's just give him a chance.

Let me also say that this probably won't have any actual effect on Phillies fans. But I need to get this off my chest.

Roethlisberger Checks Hair in Bathroom, Rapes Good Taste

C'mon Bruh, you look ridiculous.  Are you a two-time Superbowl champion, or about to challenge Sting to a cage match at Halloween Havoc?

I can support the bad motorcycle driving.  I can support the drinking.  I can support the bathroom sex (who hasn't done this, really?).  But I can't support your hairstyle.

Get your shit together, Ben.